The Fear Of Loving Too Much And Giving In To It

When is love too much?

In this age where social media reigns supreme, more and more people tend to follow what's trending to fit in the standards propagated by the internet. Today's lifestyle is highly influenced by the rich and famous' Instagram posts. From having expensive clothes to taking the perfect photos just to up social media feeds, relationships are even affected, put under the pressure of #relationshipgoals.

Photo from Google

Truth be told, I do follow what's in nowadays, but I don't let it dictate what I should do with my life. Being bombarded by these kind of things test us how much we we know and can control ourselves.

With my relationship, I believe in keeping things private and simple. I do post photos of us together in social media, but I don't do it all the time. Whatever we're going through, we talk about it in person. I don't want my love life become a feast that people can prattle on.

I'm the type that isn't too hard to please. I'm happy with small surprises, handwritten letters, at-home dates, and lots of talk. I sometimes pay for our meals when we go out, and I even let him decide on things we need to do in our relationship.

My current relationship is almost in the fifth year mark, and I couldn't be any happier. What we have isn't perfect, and we've had our fair share of ups and downs, to the point that we thought of letting go. But I think it made us even stronger. And we got to know each other deeper and better.

But somehow, there is this fear inside me, creeping up every time a year we're together pass.

Shakespeare once said, "Expectation is the root of all heartache." This has been my motto for quite sometime now, because it's true. There's no denying the pain when you've expected something to happen just for it to never come. And that is what I've always been scared of -- the fear of loving too much, of opening my whole self. There are still a lot of what ifs in my head and heart. What if he doesn't love me like I do? What if he hated me because I'm this and that? Obsessing thoughts of not being able to meet certain expectations always bother me, because I'm terrified of the pain it will cause, and more importantly, I really want this to work.

I think it's okay to be scared when it comes to love. You wouldn't know when you'll be hurt or not, or if the relationship will last. Love is never easy, but we all want it. And that's the good thing about giving into this fear, I think. When you're scared, it means its true, because you don't want to lose it, and you want it to be perfect. We all live for happy endings, don't we?

Luckily, I've met someone whose not perfect, but is willing to accept all my flaws and fears. I know I may not be showy of all my feelings, but I know that I love him. And I think that's enough. There are still a lot of things we should work on, but I know we'll get to our own happy ending someday. I don't know what the future holds for us, but if we're still together, and I hope that we are, for another five years and more, then I guess giving too much would be worth it after all.

#Personal #Love #Realizations #Musings